I want to keep Jay’s Blocc a secret, but at the same time, I want my friends and family to know what’s going on in my mind and read it. As an indecisive person, I struggled to decide which option was better. I knew that if I told some people, word would get out, and several of them wouldn’t take me seriously. I did not want that negative energy. Those who do know would like to see every detail, which I don’t mind, but I’m not ready to go deep with them, as I don’t want attention.
I have told some friends and family about my plan for this blog. However, I know they will take it with a grain of salt, given my strong track record of great ideas that have not yet come to fruition. So to them, this is another one of Jay’s ideas that will probably not happen. I cannot be upset about it, as I have myself to blame.
Two reasons why I want to keep Jay’s Blocc a secret: fear and judgment. The thought of my words being out there in my community makes my stomach churn. As someone who has been labeled “weird” for simply thinking differently, the blog will solidify their misconceptions about me, which will eventually lead them to question my character.
Judging someone without really knowing them is a common practice in society. I am also guilty of this. Some do it subconsciously or even consciously, without considering how dire it could be for the other party. Coming from a conservative background – deeply rooted in traditions and values I understand but sometimes struggle to fully embrace. Most conversations feel like performances, where the opinions I share have to be watered down to avoid stepping out of line. I’ve learned to keep specific ideas of myself hidden, as it is easier and safer that way.
As much as I want them to know me, I cannot let it happen just yet, as I am not fully ready to bear the consequences of being fully known.
Creating Jay’s Blocc gives me the freedom to speak my mind without worry. I can express my weird thoughts, share my “forbidden” opinions, and just explore the person I am, stress-free. This blog is my safe space. And it will remain that way, for now. Until I am ready to bridge the gap between my loved ones and Jay’s Blocc.